are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
