I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
