Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
