help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
