I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
