i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
