please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
