Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
