Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize