I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize