got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
