How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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