I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I want to fling myself into the sun
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
