OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Oh god it's open bar.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
