After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
