please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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