do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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