You're completely useless in the revolution.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
