my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
