We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I still have a little drunk in my system
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
The adults are the big ones right?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
