Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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