yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize