someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Randomize
