you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize