Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
We had to coat check the pizza.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
