I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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