handjob tips. give me some.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
