just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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