Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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