Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
