drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
