how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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