I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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