Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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