I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
