Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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