good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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