Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
