I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
