you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
