I wanna bring you to show and tell
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
