go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
