Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
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