yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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