I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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