It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Sex in the backyard? Check.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
