Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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