thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Damn victory sex feels great
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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