I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Randomize
