I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
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