Plan B is the new Plan A
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Come share oat with me in your robe
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
