Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
